5 Airport Etiquette Tips

First-time travellers or veteran frequent flyer, we're all guilty at one point or another of being rude and contributing the the hell that is airport travel. Here are our top 5 tips for airport etiquette, in the hopes that everyone will just behave themselves and make it a bit more pleasant for everyone!

Be nice to the staff - Yes, you're tired. Yes, your flight has been delayed. Yes, you've been standing in a queue for an hour too long. But that's no excuse to yell at someone who is genuinely trying to help you. Airport staff, especially people at ticketing counters and security, see the very worst in people every day. Why not show a little compassion and smile at them, or thank them for their help? You never know, it may even get you an upgrade.

Be prepared for security - Chances are, you've been through security. You know what's about to happen. You know that your laptop, coat and shoes need to go through the x-ray, along anything metal you might be carrying. So why would you wear huge lace-up boots and stuff your laptop deep into your bag so you have to rummage around for it while everyone rolls their eyes at you? With a little foresight and consideration, you can zip through in under a minute. And don't whine about your water bottle. No one wants to hear that.

Control your kids - It can be tough wrangling passports, boarding passes, diaper bags, and hyperactive two-year-olds. Nobody is denying that. But if you're flying with kids it's your job to make sure they're entertained enough not to run screaming down the concourse throwing wads of gum at people (true story!). Have games, snacks and other diversions ready to go, or take turns walking around. Many airports have play areas or family rooms, so take advantage of them.

Don't make inapropriate jokes - Let's get one thing straight: you're not funny. Jokes about bombs in your carry-on, hijacking the plane, or anything else that even hints at threatening the safety of the people around you are totally inappropriate and will be taken seriously by staff. One smart remark about anthrax or cocaine will get you bounced off your flight and explaining yourself to the local police faster than you can say 'cavity search'!

Don't hog the baggage carousel - Your flight has landed, you're off the plane, and all you want to do is be on your way. Problem is, that's what everyone else wants too. So what do we all do? We jam up to the baggage carousel with our trolleys and 20 family members squeezed as close to that little door as we possibly can. The secret is, if you move around to the other side, you'll have plenty of room and not be delayed by more than 30 seconds. While you're at it, please wait behind the yellow line so people around you can see and grab their bags. And seriously, keep your kids off the conveyor belt. It's not that kind of carousel.

5 Reasons I Hate to Fly

I travel often, and when I do it tends to be long-distance. We're talking 54-hour odysseys from Cape Town to San Francisco, or Minneapolis to Oslo. I used to get a thrill out of it like any newbie, but the sheen has long since faded, and while I still love to travel, I look at the journey less as part of the fun and more as some sort of penance to pay before I can enjoy myself. Here's a few of the reasons I hate to fly:

1. Lack of sleep - There are two kinds of people: those who can sleep on planes and those who can't. I can't. Ever. There was one blissful haul from Senegal to Atlanta where an industrial-strength muscle relaxer put me into a drooly coma, But generally my brain refuses to cooperate. There are always factors that contribute to this. On a recent flight from Joburg to Paris, I had the pleasure of sitting next to a three-year-old who cried non-stop for seven hours, even when he was asleep.

2. Long layovers - On long trips, sometimes you can't avoid a layover of more than three hours. Maybe it was cheaper, or maybe the only other flight was too quick of a turn-around and you didn't want to chance missing your connection. While some airports have entertainment to keep you busy on long layovers, usually you're too tired to do anything but eat and try to find somewhere to sleep. I once sat at Charles de Gaulle airport for two hours, a twitchy zombie.

3. Airport security - You stand in queue after queue. You're tired and disoriented. You have to fill out paperwork with the threat of deportation should you forget something. People make you take off your shoes and put humiliating paper booties on. They rummage through your intimates and confiscate your snacks, then give you suspicious stares and quiz you about your travel plans. Oh, and now we all get naked pictures taken, or a good old-fashioned feel-up. Yay.

4. Airplane climate - The conditions on planes are terrible. They cool them to nearly the point of freezing, and now charge you for flimsy blankets. The recirculated air is bone-dry, leaving your skin crying for the moisteriser you weren't allowed to carry on. You're parched, but the sugar in the orange juice is just dehydrating you further and the flight attendant is giving you the evil eye for asking for a fifth glass of water.

5. Class wars - One of the worst parts of flying is knowing that you could be so much more comfortable if you had more money. If you'd paid for an upgrade you could be snoozing in a flat bed, or drinking champagne and having your steak done how you like it; instead of craning your neck to see the (either blue or red-tinted) tv screen twenty feet away and trying to choke down the breakfast sausage. It's the same in airports, when you didn't quite shell out enough to pay for the fancy lounge with the comfortable seats and showers.

TSA Full-Body Scanners

The TSA's Full-Body Scanners have been dominating travel news lately as they're rolled out to an increasing number of airports. Now in use in the US at 65 airports nationwide, as more people encounter them we're seeing strong reactions.

Many are opposed to the scanners as a violation of their privacy, and opt for the alternative 'enhanced pat-down'. However, there are also a number of complaints from travellers who find the search invasive and inappropriate, likening it to sexual assault. (For an account of the experience by magician Penn Jillette, click here, and for a video of software programmer John Tyner's refusal, click here.)

The TSA claims that the majority of Americans support the new security procedures, but many travellers are expressing negative feelings about them. What do you think? Is it a violation of privacy, or a necessary evil? Would you submit to the body scan or a pat-down? Many of us flying in the US over the holiday season will soon be forced to make these decisions.

Here's a complete list of airports that now use full-body scanners:

Albuquerque International Sunport Airport, Baltimore/Washington International Thurgood Marshall Airport, Boise Airport, Boston Logan International Airport, Bradley International Airport, Brownsville/South Padre Island International Airport, Buffalo Niagara International Airport, Bush Houston Intercontinental Airport, Charlotte Douglas International Airport, Chicago Midway International Airport, Chicago O'Hare International Airport, Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky International Airport, Cleveland International Airport, Corpus Christi International Airport, Denver International Airport, Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport, Detroit Metro Airport, El Paso International Airport, Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport, Fort Wayne International Airport, Fresno Air Terminal, Gerald R. Ford Grand Rapids International Airport, General Mitchell Milwaukee International Airport, Greater Rochester International Airport, Gulfport-Biloxi International Airport, Harlingen/Valley International Airport, Harrisburg International Airport, Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport, Honolulu International Airport, Houston William P. Hobby Airport, Indianapolis International Airport, Jacksonville International Airport, Kansas City International Airport, Lambert/St. Louis International Airport, Laredo International Airport, Las Vegas McCarran International Airport, Lihue Airport, Los Angeles International Airport, Louis Armstrong New Orleans International, Luis Muñoz Marín International Airport, McAllen Miller Airport, Memphis International Airport, Miami International Airport, Minneapolis/St. Paul International Airport, Nashville International Airport, New York John F. Kennedy International Airport, New York La Guardia International Airport, Oakland International Airport, Omaha Eppley Airfield Airport, Orlando International Airport, Palm Beach International Airport, Philadelphia International Airport, Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport, Pittsburgh International Airport, Port Columbus International Airport, Raleigh-Durham International Airport, Richmond International Airport, Washington Ronald Reagan National Airport, Saipan International Airport, Salt Lake City International Airport, San Antonio International Airport, San Francisco International Airport, San Jose International Airport, San José Mineta International Airport, Seattle-Tacoma International Airport, Spokane International Airport, Tampa International Airport, Tulsa International Airport, Warwick T. F. Green International Airport, and Washington Dulles International Airport